“T’was the Night Before Christmas – 2013”


I’m going to have to work hard to beat this little diddy from last year.  I’d like to say it’s based “loosely” on a true story; but sadly, every word of it is true.  This is why we no longer have “small pets” in the house!

Here’s a Christmas story, Amy style. I swear ya can’t make this stuff up.

Abbey wakes me up saying, “MOM!!! Bob is missing!”

For those not following recent posts, Bob was the replacement hamster for our missing Mr. Hubbles.

In an effort to find Bob before Max wakes up heart broken on Christmas Eve…

T’was the day before Christmas, and all through the house
Mayhem was brewing
Because of the mouse

Bob’s cage was stark empty
Which caused much fanfare
Mom hoped that damned hamster
Soon would be there

Max was still nestled all snug in his bed
While Mom cursed and threw things, “That damn rodent’s DEAD!”

Mom in a frenzy
Max deep in his nap
Abbey was helping
Singing Mackelmore rap

From deep in the closet
Mom raised such a clatter
She yelled, “Your room is a mess!  That’s what is the matter!”

Deeper into the closet
Mom bore in a dash
Digging through toys
As if looking for cash

The light on the carpet
Of the new found closet floor
Gave us access to objects thought missing before

Mom shook out a sneaker
And what should appear?!
A great big fat hamster
That’s NOT Bob!
Oh dear!

For a fat little bugger
He darned sure was quick
T’was known right away
Hubbles never got licked

More rapid than eagles
That cursed rodent came
He rushed up Mom’s pant leg
She screamed out his name

Mr. Hubbles! Oh shit! Oh where is he going! Oh Abbey! Please help me! (She can’t help, she’s LAUGHING!)

Up to the knee of Mom’s pant leg
Refusing to fall
“Get away! Get away! Get away! AAAHHHHHGGGGGGGHHHH!”

As hamsters who enter
The pant leg will fly
When they meet with a crazy Mom
Sail through the sky

So back to his cage
This fat hamster flew
With Abbey doubled over
And giggling too

And then in a moment
Mom heard at the door
Her curious sweet son
Who’d not been there before

He was scratching his head
Wide eyed and concerned
Abbey and Mom wondered how much he’d heard

They looked at each other
And knew it was best
To tell Max the truth
‘Bout his furry little pests

His eyes at first twinkled
Then he got teary
Mr. Hubbles was found
But Bob’s fate was bleary

His lip started to quiver
His eyes then grew large
“It’s BOB! He ran under
My remote control car!”

Mom looked shocked
And slightly deflated
The children, however,
Were highly elated

Bob ran round the room
Even faster than Hubbles
Each of us knew
We were in for some troubles

“I’ve got him! Oh wait!
He just slipped away!
Oh shoot! Oh sugar!”
And some words we can’t say.

A wink of his beady eye
And a twitch of his head
Soon let us know
We were in for some dread

He scurried in circles
And watched us all work
He must’ve been thinking,
“Geez, look at these jerks!”

Finally Max and Mom
Created a trap
Once and for all
We caught that damned rat!

With Hubbles in the cage
We dumped Bob in a box
Can’t house them together
They think hamster meat rocks

So we’re off to PetSmart
For a safe new enclosure
And hope that YOUR Christmas
Has much more composure!

Merry Christmas!

6 thoughts on ““T’was the Night Before Christmas – 2013”

  1. Exceptional. The best I’ve read today.
    Well… The only one I’ve read today!
    Keep going… You’ve got what it takes.
    Onward and upward.


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